Monday, 24 September 2007

A little bit of poetry

This needs a little bit of explanation. My work colleague, Alan, is a fan of William McGonagall . Who? I hear you cry. William McGonagall is widely recognised as the worst poet ever to put pen to paper – a perfect example of the phrase ‘so bad it’s good’. He had a fondness for putting irrelevant details into his poems ranging from the full home address of someone he was writing about, to rather extreme moral judgements. He also seems to mention Dundee in practically every poem no matter where it’s set or what it’s about. In an idle moment at work, I challenged Alan to write a poem about cake in the style of McGonagall. He took the challenge and, following a lunchtime stroll along the Thames to discover his muse, produced this; it’s worth sticking to until the end as the final couplet is the best (he assures me the recipe is genuine):

Lines in praise of cake

All ye good people, afar and near
In praise of cakes pray lend an ear
There are many cakes that are lovely to be seen
And can be enjoyed whilst in the garden, amongst trees and shrubberies green

A fine cake is Battenburg, I do confess
And some like fruitcake no less
Christmas cake none shall gainsay
Is good festive fare without delay

To regard the Simnel cake is a fine food be it said
Especially when eaten after a meal with some bread
The swiss roll is also nice no doubt
And those who are hungry for cake should never be without

Cup cakes are such as to fill ones heart with glee
And almond slices are most lovely to see
But the loveliest of all is the cake of Dundee
With its fine ingredients as you shall see

Eight oz flour and one teaspoon of baking powder
And six oz butter and five oz of caster sugar
Two tablespoons of whisky, oh, thou demon Drink
And one point five oz mixed peel of which to think

Six oz of currants, raisins and sultanas without dismay
And four eggs which will be remembered for many a day
Grated rind and juice of lemon I do declare
And one oz blanched almonds to take away all care

Two tablespoons of boiled milk and one tablespoon of sugar, nice to eat
Will make this tasty recipe a most wonderful treat
It is a good cake, I venture to say,
Which I declare to the world without dismay,

And in conclusion I will say
And none shall gainsay without delay
That the bigger we our cakes do build
The greater chance we have of being filled


Lance Strongbow said...

I really like this poem. Has he written anything else?

The Caked Crusader said...

Thanks for your comment. Funnily enough - yes, Alan has been quite prolific of late. I won't bore readers here with his "Great Jersey Tax Disaster" poem although it is a masterful work. However, keep looking on the site and you may come across his rather beautiful 'Ode to Some Biscuits' in the coming weeks!